


I fall behind

by Alphalover



Category: Superman & Lois (TV 2020)
Genre: Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-13 19:47:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29781189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alphalover/pseuds/Alphalover
Summary: Thank Cyndi Lauper."Sometimes you picture meI'm walking too far aheadYou're calling to me, I can't hearWhat you've saidThen you say, "go slow"And I fall behindThe second hand unwinds:"
Relationships: Jordan Kent & Jonathan Kent
Comments: 12
Kudos: 27





	I fall behind

_Stop thinking about it._

His chest is tight. Tight with tension and the sick feeling that comes with knowing nothing Jon can ever do will change things. He's used to feeling that way when he thinks about his absentee father and his anxious brother - but this is different.

Before it was the helplessness borne from a father too busy for his family. His deepest darkest fears were of not being enough for the man, not being reason enough for him to come home. It never rang true that a reporter could be so busy as to neglect his children. So Jon spent his life trying to be more - everything - so maybe his father would want to spend time at home. Jon never feared his parents would divorce. His mother was used to this kind of a male in her life - her own father clearly prioritizing his work over his family. To her that was normal. And she saw her husband on the job, so likely didn't feel the neglect. Her own job would have taken her as deep in as her husband's and then, she'd had children, she naturally had to scale back because in early days, she was the one with the lions share of the work - bearing, birthing, caring for infant twins.

Now. Now it's so much worse. Because his father had no choice, and he understands this. He would never demand his father put them above the world that needed him. A man who could let others die was not the kind of man Jon would respect or love - and he gets it. This isn't some childish desire to be first despite reason.

No. He knows the truth of it. His father is a god. A titan with unbelievable power. So far above earthly beings, he could do anything he want and be unstoppable. A god can ephemerally 'love' his mortal wife and children - child... but only from a distance. How significant is Jon to his father? How significant is Lois? Every word of praise is now tempered with the knowledge that his 'dorky father' is a superhuman who can do anything. Move mountains, stop the course of typhoons and tornadoes, stop nuclear meltdowns... nothing he does can ever truly impress him... except in the way a pet owner is amused by the pet. 

_Who can I possibly be to you?_

The normal way of things is that children grow past the parents. Parents nurture and guide you, and watch with fond melancholy as you grow past them, and move on. Then they talk about you - bragging about the things you are doing, hoping you'll give them a call. His mother is a force to be reckoned with, but even she's diminished in Jon's eyes. The mortal wife of a god. A woman willing to uproot her life, or not tell an important secret to her children because her husband demanded her silence. Jon knows if he talks to his mother about it, she'll say it was Clark's secret to tell, and she'll insist she wanted to move here, but is she fooling herself the way Jon refuses to fool himself?

Worse - if Jordan was a puny, fragile, mere mortal like himself, he could talk to him about this... but that's no longer true, and honestly, if he's being truly honest, this is where the pain in his chest comes from. They had their roles in the family - Jordan the one who needed extra care - a role Jon happily took on, and Jon the popular athlete - the easy flirter, the easy charmer. Now... Jordan is Hercules. Jon is ... who exactly?

And... good lord.... what Jordan said... _Sorry about the powers._ Jon was quick to say he didn't want them. Quick to joke, but inside, he was burning with hurt and jealousy. And yes - let's face it, he's used to being the one given praise, the normal one, the successful one, even if he loves Jordan so much and protects him from being hurt. But, let's face it - a mere mortal protecting a demi-god is ludicrous, and - god, no - he won't 'be the sidekick' to his brother. The wandering bard, or whatever stupid trope Hollywood would place him in.

But if he's not the special kid -the one who can do incredible feats on the football field, the charmer - the one who checks all the 'success' boxes in his parents - no - not really - that was all a show, then who is he? There's no way his father is truly impressed by him. How could he be? It never was real. None of it. The lie has gone so much deeper than what he originally thought. To his father, he's an insignificant little ant - seen from far above, he will always appear like a tiny little (pet) bug.

And soon Jordan will see him this way too. His brother, his twin. The one Jon 'protects'. Jordan will feel the same. He'll give him that nervous awkward Jordan-ness, but it'll be a cover for the immeasurably powerful titan who shoots death lasers from his eyes. Jordan will begin to patronize him. Pity, look down on, minimize and diminish.

When Superman revealed himself, Jon lost a father. But when Jordan's powers manifested... in the barn, and at the party - both times to protect his weak fragile brother, Jon fell behind.


End file.
